Peridot- War and Peace Read online

  “The night before I escaped,” I said. “When I was seven years old, the Mother came to me.”

  Aishe’s eyes widened. I smiled slightly and told him about the visitation. He listened quietly, enraptured by my story.

  “And so,” I said, after I’d finished telling him my memory, “my destiny sometimes confuses me. If I am supposed to become a monster, why would the Mother allow it? Why would she help me? And bless me?”

  “Maybe she has different plans for you,” Aishe said softly.

  “Or maybe she has a sick sense of humor,” I said blandly.

  Aishe smiled slightly, and I suddenly felt his cock harden against my leg. “No, I don’t believe the Mother has a sick sense of humor. She has plans for you, Morgorth. We just have to wait and see what they are.”

  “Oh, goody,” I grumbled.

  Aishe nuzzled my neck and stroked his hand over my chest. I exhaled slowly but jumped when another very loud thunderclap cracked above us.

  “Damn it,” I murmured.

  Aishe chuckled and snuggled closer to me, his hardening dick digging into my leg. I slipped my hand up his arm and turned on my own side, finding his mouth and kissing him deeply. His soft lips moved over mine, and his hands slid over my back, making me tremble. My hand slipped to his lean leg, and his warm skin heated my palm as I stroked him, the hair tickling my fingers. We lay like that for a while, just touching, just being. His words comforted me and gave me strength. I could face anything, even the entire Council, if Aishe was beside me.

  He suddenly grabbed my erection, and, not to be outdone, I grabbed his. We stroked each other, kissing, our tongues dancing together. His callused hand on my sensitized skin was too much, and I came swiftly, gasping with my release. My brain short-circuited for a moment, and it was only when Aishe pushed himself into my hand did I realize I still had a job to do. I smiled and kissed him deeply as I jerked him off.

  He came over my hand and groaned deeply in my mouth.

  This time he rolled onto his back, and I laid my head on his chest. His pounding heart was a beautiful sound, and I closed my eyes, hoping that rhythm would sooth me to sleep.

  It did.

  ***

  Boygles brought our food in the morning, and I nudged Aishe awake. He sat up, his hair a bird’s nest, and looked blearily at me.

  “You didn’t tell me about those letters,” he said immediately.

  I winced. “Yeah, well... have some ham.” I handed him a plate of food. He took it but still frowned at me.

  “It’s mage business, Aishe,” I said hesitantly. “I didn’t want to involve you.”

  Aishe scowled, his eyes now clear and bright. “By the Mother, Morgorth. You are so fucking blind sometimes.”

  I’d taught Aishe that human word, and while he didn’t use it often, when he did, it had more impact.

  “What?”

  “I’m your mate,” Aishe said fiercely. “Your companion.

  Your business is my business. Whether it be mage or something else. We share a life, Morgorth. Don’t we?”

  His passion rendered me speechless. I cleared my throat and looked down at the tray of food, suddenly not hungry.

  My thoughts reverted to our conversation last night, in the hallway, and I did feel blind.

  “I understand what you’re saying,” I said softly. “And I’m sorry for keeping that from you. But, Aishe, you’ve seen what I can do. And I’m not even the most powerful mage out there. Mages level mountains, control storms, set fire to ice.” I forced myself to meet his eyes. “We eradicate kingdoms and have the Mother’s magick inside of us. I don’t want you exposed to that.”

  The anger left Aishe’s eyes, and the green became soft and weary. “I know you’re trying to protect me. And I love you for it. But when you keep things like that from me, it hurts me. I feel like -- like you don’t trust me.”

  I grimaced. “I do trust you, Aishe. You’ve seen me at my most vulnerable and -- by the Mother -- I let you inside me.

  And you’re the only one.”

  Aishe smiled slightly and touched my cheek. My face was warm, and I felt incredibly awkward. I was still working on intimacy. I really had no choice in the matter --Aishe demanded it.

  “Then trust me with everything else,” he said gently.

  “Not just your body.”

  I snorted. I couldn’t trust him any more than I already did. He had my heart and soul. There were no words to describe what he was to me -- and I doubt he could ever fully understand.

  “I can try,” I said.

  “Good.” Aishe patted my cheek before turning toward his food. We ate in companionable silence, and I continued to hear the storm thundering outside. It still made me twitchy, but I didn’t jerk every time the thunder hit.

  He wanted me to help him understand what it was like to be me. It sounded impossible. But he demanded it of me, and perhaps, if I could somehow, he’d be more inclined to obey me when mages came knocking at our doors.

  “What?” Aishe frowned.

  I realized I had been staring at him and quickly looked away. I shook my head and ate the rest of my food in silence.

  The storm continued to beat against the stone walls.

  Aishe and I couldn’t leave Geheimnis, and I suspected that the mages had retreated to the kingdom south of my territory, which was ruled by King Raskalin, a seela with a vicious temper. He’d tried many times to push me off my land, but it didn’t matter how many armies he sent or how big they were -- he always lost. In fact, just recently he’d sent an army to my home, intent on destroying everything.

  I had just come back from handling Kayl, and Aishe had insisted on helping me. The soldiers had been worthy opponents, but I still killed half of them. The other half ran back home. They were wise. I didn’t so much enjoy the killing aspect of protecting my home, but I did enjoy sticking it to the arrogant prick king.

  King Raskalin had a mage at his service, a female, but I didn’t know her name. The king would delight in having two more mages -- two powerful mages -- as his guests. He would also try to recruit them in his war against me. I knew he wouldn’t have much luck -- the Council would decide what those two mages did, not an arrogant king.

  It was midmorning when I managed to descend to the caverns beneath Geheimnis. I’d left Aishe in my library, a large circular room that had shelves lining the walls, stretching from floor to ceiling. All of them were filled with scrolls and journals, all hand-written, and most were firsthand accounts of significant events in history. Some scrolls held maps, and there were a couple of handfuls worth of fables and myths written down. Aishe had been so delighted when I’d shown him that place. He was one that craved knowledge. The library sat at the top of one of my many towers, and the large windows offered a grand view of the lands surrounding us. Of course, with this storm, you couldn’t see a damn thing.

  I smiled as I descended deeper into the caverns. The largest cave held all the crystal I could ever need. It glimmered with refracted light, and I smiled slightly at its beauty. The stairs crumbled under my feet, and not for the first time I told myself I had to fix those. But as soon as I reached the bottom, I forgot about them and turned right, walking under a roughly carved archway. The next room was smaller, and the air was muggy and thick. This was where my hot springs was. It was naturally occurring, and I had expanded the pool, shaping it into a rectangle.

  It spanned the entire room, and steam rose up from it, clinging to my skin and making me feel drowsy.

  I stripped quickly and slowly sank into the heat. I winced, but my body quickly acclimated to the burn. But I wasn’t here to relax -- I was here to think.

  I slowly swam over to one side of the pool and took a breath before surging forward. I stretched out my body as I took laps across the pool, my eyes burning when they touched the water. I churned up the mud from the bottom, and the water soon became an inky black in the dim light offered by the glowing bugs on the rock walls.

  My body moved mechanica
lly while my mind drifted.

  My conflicts seemed to be growing day by day. Besides the dilemma about giving up the ruby, there was what I should do about Aishe. I wanted him with me. He belonged to me.

  He was my mate, my companion. The thought of him with anyone else caused flames to issue from my hands, and I had to stop swimming to gain control. My gut twisted in greasy knots, and wrath tasted bitter in the back of my throat.

  Taking several deep breaths, calming myself, I managed to shut those unpleasant visions away, and I finished my lap and began another one. But I worried about him. What would happen to him if he stayed with me? He said he would stick with me no matter what the future brought, but... Was that wise? What of my destiny? I almost felt like it would somehow rub off on him.

  What if, should I become that monster, I harmed him?

  Killed him even?

  The thought made air back up in my lungs, my blood freeze, and my body felt suddenly as heavy as a mountain.

  I struggled toward the surface and gasped, sucking in air, trembling hard enough that I had to grip the side of the pool to keep from drowning. Panic left me jittery, and I shook my head hard, trying to clear it. I treaded water as my feet were unable to touch the bottom. I couldn’t think such things, but my mind was full of them. I had taken a risk by including him in my life. As did he. I didn’t think he fully understood the scope of the danger he was in. Danger from me and from those who hunted me. I could clearly see the Council using him against me, perhaps even kidnapping him, using him as bait. Even if I didn’t harm him as a monster, others would, to cripple me.

  I rested my head on my hand and hugged the side, my legs moving weakly. What was I going to do? Aishe would never leave. His devotion to me was absolute, and while part of me was warmed by that fact, the other part was weak with terror. All manner of disturbing thoughts entered my mind and I cringed.

  Aishe would be the one most harmed in a war with the Council. He only had healing magick and his bows and arrows. None of that was any match for the mages I knew.

  And they would kill me, I knew that. And then what would happen to Aishe?

  My sweet, beautiful, funny Aishe. Horrific images danced evilly through my head -- I have always been good ( too good) at visualizing -- and bile rose up, burning my throat, leaving a disgusting taste in my mouth. Wrath and the desire to protect what was mine flashed hot inside me, and my magick boiled like magma, ready to explode should I unleash it.

  And then it was gone, leaving me feeling wiped and shocky. Weary and no closer to a resolution to our present situation, I shifted my hands and pounded my forehead against the rocky side.

  “Don’t hurt yourself.”

  I jerked upright and blinked away my horrid thoughts.

  Aishe’s voice echoed slightly as he entered the cave. He looked concerned and was already removing his tunic. I watched him, my mouth watering. Naked and pale in the dim light, he slipped into the hot springs with me, wincing as I had. He swam a little, and I watched him, my eyes unable to leave his lithe form.

  He suddenly smiled. “I remember the first time you looked at me like that.”

  I grinned in memory. I couldn’t help it. “What can I say?

  I really like the look of you wet.”

  Aishe laughed. I relished the sound. The tension in my body eased, the dark thoughts were pushed back, hopefully locked away in some deep mind vault. Aishe was here, alive, with me. I had to focus on that. I had to remember that. Another memory replaced the terrible ones and left me feeling cleaner, lighter. It had only been our second day in each other’s company when I’d seen Aishe naked in a stream. It had been early morning, and I’d only seen his back and the top of his round ass, but I think from that moment on, my doom had been set. I’d fallen hard for him, and sometimes I felt like I was still falling.

  Aishe swam over to me and kissed my forehead, which I had so recently abused. “You look nice wet as well.”

  I rolled my eyes even as my face heated. After all I’d seen and done, he could still make me blush. Embarrassing.

  “What were you thinking about, that had you harming yourself?” he asked. I considered him, wondering what he would say if he knew the chaos of my thoughts. “I always wonder what is going on in that head of yours. You are always thinking, always brooding.”

  I smiled slightly, but it didn’t last. “I was thinking of our fucked-up situation.” I pushed away from the wall, and the water lapped around me as I made waves with my movement.

  “So was I, when you left.” Aishe treaded water some distance from me, and I wondered if the physical distance was like our emotional distance. I wanted to bridge that gap desperately, but I couldn’t help but wonder if it was best to keep it, for everyone’s sake.

  “I couldn’t focus on any of the scrolls or journals, and so just sat there, thinking.”

  “What did you decide?” I asked before he could ask me.

  Aishe stared at me, and his eyes looked slightly eerie. “I decided that you are all I have left. I don’t have a tribe. I have no one.” His voice broke. I felt it prick my heart. He cleared his throat and continued. “I’m alone in the world without you. So you had better never shut me out. I can only get up in the morning because I know you’ll be there, loving me, wanting me.”

  His voice broke again, and he stared at me, his heart in his eyes. “I can feel the loss of my tribe, feel the grief their murders bring, and I can overcome it. Because of you. I am not alone when I am with you. So, please, Morgorth.

  Whatever happens, stay with me.”

  My eyes burned, and my throat threatened to close. He devastated me, and I could feel his anguish, his grief, like a physical force pushing against me. I shivered, and goose bumps erupted along my skin despite the hot water. It was truly unfair how he could disarm me with a few short words, with the courage and strength that made up his core.

  He was stronger than I was in many ways, and that was humbling. I breathed carefully as Aishe stared at me, dry-eyed and determined.

  I knew now what I had to do.

  Living a life with someone meant you couldn’t keep secrets from them. You shared your doubts, your grief, your vulnerabilities. It didn’t make you weak, it made you... companions. Aishe had just shared his innermost thoughts with me, his fear that I would leave him, his fear that he might not be able to recover from his tribe’s massacre. He was, once again, offering me everything and risking his heart and soul. I could do no less.

  “I don’t know what to do,” I admitted. “About the Council, about us. Sometimes I don’t even know what to feel about anything these days.”

  I paused and swam nearer to him. He watched me, and I watched him.

  “I’m scared, Aishe. I’m scared for us, that we might not work. I’m scared of the damn Council. I’m scared of my destiny, and what it might do to you. Since those mages came, I’ve just felt sick.”

  Aishe closed the distance between us, and as we treaded water, he pressed his forehead to mine. I closed my eyes.

  Sharing my fears didn’t make me feel any better, but it wasn’t supposed to. It was supposed to bring us closer -- and by the Mother, if nothing else, I was not going to let the Council tear us apart. They could throw whatever they wanted at us, and we would remain strong.

  “I don’t know if I can keep fighting it, Aishe,” I whispered, my eyes still closed, treading water. “And I have such bone-deep terror about what the future might bring, what will happen to you should I embrace the darkness inside me.”

  I lifted my head and forced myself to meet Aishe’s eyes.

  “I do have darkness deep inside me, Aishe. It’s patient and waits for me to let my guard down. It’s there where my desire and will rule but my control is non-existent. I can feel it.”

  I saw fear flicker in Aishe’s eyes. “Then I will help you control it, Morgorth. My love. I will be right here, with you, and keep you from embracing it. I will show you that you don’t need it. You only need me.”

&
nbsp; I smiled slightly. Then I felt something small dig into my ribs. I looked down to see Aishe’s long, pale finger poking me. I lifted my head and opened my mouth. And got a face full of water for my trouble. I coughed and blinked rapidly.

  Aishe swam away from me, a large grin on his face.

  I would never understand how he could become so playful at a drop of sword. There was still grief behind his eyes, but when he splashed water at me again, I knew he was trying to move on. Not forget, but move on to something better, more fun.

  I raised an eyebrow and used a spurt of magick to make a large wave splash over him. He ducked under the water, and I watched his pale body swim like a fish past me. I found endless pleasure in watching him. His white hair shone in the dim light that glowed from the walls and reflected off the water. His skin looked silky, and under the water, his limbs looked longer, sleeker. I treaded water as I watched him, mesmerized.

  That was when he struck. He slithered behind me, grabbed my head, and dunked me. My nose filled with hot water, and I barely got enough air into my lungs. I flailed for a moment before reaching the surface. Coughing and snorting, I swiped water from my eyes. Aishe was laughing a fair distance from me, treading water.

  “What are you going to do now, Dark Mage?” he taunted.

  I smiled slowly. He was really good at this competitive play. He always dared me, taunted me to do my worst. I suppose having three older brothers had made him good at that. He had a cheeky smile on his face and an evil glint in his eyes.

  Diving under the water, I gave a strong kick and bumped into him. I assumed he was wondering what I was going to do. I snapped my arms around his waist and slipped his cock into my mouth. I felt his entire body shudder. Holding my breath, I sucked hard on his silky shaft several times.

  His body sank deeper into the water. I waited, though my lungs burned, and when I felt like he was near completion, I pushed away and reached the surface.

  Gasping in air, I looked over at him to see he was barely keeping his head above water. He had begun to tread water less and less and had sunk deeper. His eyes were now open and staring at me incredulously. I raised my eyebrows as I treaded water.